Thank You

I have been struggling with confidence issues over the last little while, being unemployed, trying to work towards living my dreams while looking for a job to pay the bills in the meantime. Being alone all day has created negative loop conversations in my head which are taking some energy getting out of.

Today I sat down looking for motivational songs and videos on youtube. “If I just had an inspiring playlist to lift me out of the not so good moments, then…. “ my thought went. Suddenly I heard a bagpipe playing outside. Thinking I might be privileged to a Scottish wedding, I rushed onto the balcony, and looked down towards the church across the street.

Instead of a white gown I saw many black suits, six of them carrying a shining cherrywood coffin down the church steps towards the back of a hearse. I did not know whose funeral it was, whether they were carrying a male or female, old or young. All that became instantly clear was the fact that he or she was at the end of his or her road, that it was literally ‘game over’.

A body was lying in that coffin never to be reopened. Never again would they see the beauty of world, never again would they be able to say how much they cared, never again would they hug someone or receive a hug. There were no more chances to do anything, no matter how much they had missed to do.

As I stood watching the coffin disappear into the hearse and drive off to its final resting ground, watching the friends and relatives hug and walk away with hanging heads, I felt their loss. Whatever happened from now on in this person would not be part of it.

It was impossible to feel disadvantaged, alone, scared any longer. No matter what my situation was right now, it had nowhere near the finality of the deceased’s situation. How could I even waste one moment feeling sorry for myself?

I thanked their spirit and wished it well. Then I stepped back into my apartment and sat down to work, partly sad, mostly grateful, and overall determined do justice to those who no longer had the chance.

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