Spasmically Perfect

 

 

 

 

 

How often
Have you seduced me
With your gentle flow
Of possibilities.

How often
Have I stumbled
Over insecurities
Of not doing you justice?

But like any
Everlasting love affair
We are forever
And will forever be

A dance of words that paint my heart.

Woke up this morning to a beautifully sunny Sunday morning with a chest heavy with doubts, questions and nostalgic feelings.

Made myself a cup of tea. Which didn’t help as much.

So Plan B: Inspirational Brainwash
When I can’t do it myself, I have to find other ways of getting it done.

Watch Gary (watched him so many times, we are on first name basis now):

Feeling more pumped already!

 

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhqZ0RU95d4[/youtube]

 

Some moments are better left secret
with no words to replicate their purity,
no image to match their beauty,
no close enough heart to feel their power.

And yet, we tell the story anyhow –
desperate to relive it,
anxious to feel alive,
wanting to reconnect the past with the present.

We can’t ever reach the same satisfaction,
in fact, as the words stumble from our lips,
it feels like betrayal,
and robs that moment of its magic.

So here is my advice:
should you ever come across such moment,
be strong and resist the temptation to share
what was meant for only you.

For I have squandered such magic foolishly too many times
and am now left mourning what is forever gone.

Let me take a piece of white ribbon
And tie a clumsy bow around the finger
You’ve got pointed out at me,
Maybe then you’ll stop to think
What you are accusing me of.

You call me naïve, sheltered,
Lacking the life shattering experiences
That would allow me to campaign
For a life lived to it’s fullest,
Filled with love and hope.

You question which planet I live on,
Whether I realize that we are amongst
Pedophiles, Rapists, Murders,
Living in a society that lets our children
Go hungry, sell their bodies, die

You laugh at my speeches about peace
Cause you know that peace isn’t profitable,
You paint me an image of rebel attacks
Mutilating women and children,
Just to see whether I feel ashamed of my words.

I am not.
Cause I can do what you do,
I too can name the injustices of this world,
I too can waste my breath not doing anything about it.
People don’t change without a vision.
And from where I’m standing, I don’t see yours.

……your entire body is longing for things like

– sun on my face

– wading up a stream

– dancing beneath a sprinkler

– people-watching on a patio while sipping Sangria

–  Huckleberry Fin-type straw hats

– running bare foot on grass and then collapsing, lying there and not having to go anywhere

– having your lower back tickled with a flower

– ……

 

The list goes on and on. So, how do you get work done when your entire body longs for summer?

(I live in multiple languages and therefore have no choice but to capture moments that way, even though my command of that language may not be sufficient to please the experts. But then, show me anybody who is able to fully capture life with language alone. All we can ever do is give it our best shot. )

 

Un soir au Valais

“Je ne sais pas d’où tu es arrivé,
ni si tu avais l’intention de rester,
mais avant de partir tu as arrêté la realité
pour nous envelopper dans un nuage de tendresse.

C’est comme ça avec les petits miracles comme toi,
si on te demande, tu ne viens pas,
si on y pense, tu te caches.
Mais si – par hazard – on oublie tout
et reconnaît la beauté d’un moment sans dire un mot,
tu t’ouvre comme les ailes d’un papillon
et tu nous montre une connection passionante
qui nous change pour toujours.

Tout à coup le rideau du spectacle baisse
et la seule chose qui reste est partager l’amour dans un embrace,
et dire

Merci”

(@spasmicallyperfect 31.12.2011)

“I am officially tired of being happy”, I said to a friend the other day.

I have carried this thought around me for a few weeks now.  A series of events have challenged my belief around remaining optimistic. 

How can I hold onto optimism, gratitude, hope, love, happiness around people whose lifes have been invaded by some dark and heavy cloud? How can I hold onto all above when I find myself guilty of causing such darkness? Somehow the  ‘I haven’t pulled the trigger’-line no longer seems to cut it. Yes, I am only one grain of sand in one of the thousands of beaches around this world, and therefore my impact is small. But it is still an impact. Yes, I don’t go around setting guns to people’s heads and shooting. But my actions are found somewhere in the long chain of events and circumstances that lead up to other people suffering. How I treat people – not just my friends. How I treat nature – not just in the conservation parks. How I spend my money – not just the money towards charity. You get the picture.

Maybe it’s not that I am tired of being happy. Maybe it’s because I can’t justify being happy, when so much of the world’s population isn’t. Or maybe, maybe I don’t feel I’ve earned the right to be happy, even less ‘preach’ happiness, optimism, hope, love, gratitude.

The Universe seems to have caught my questions, so as I settle in the couch tonight, ready to relax my head and enjoy the season opener of CSI Miami, I can’t find the right station. Instead I land on a panel discussion with his Holiness the Dalai Lama. Various Americans from Media, Business, Science and Politics are sharing their take on the world today, more accurately where we as Humans need to make some changes.

Waiting for his Holiness to share some wisdom, I am surprised at the level of contribution from the other panelists. Each speaks with their individual personality,  each as a representative of the human race, each perfectly able to inspire me, by being themselves, by following what we all share, somewhere deep down, the language of our hearts. 

There’s a whole list of problems in this world: political parties owning the media, corporations funding the politicians that are supposed to govern them, environmental problems, businesses that are focused on shareholder value rather then long term ethical goals. And at the bottom of each of those causes: WE. You and I. WE who don’t pull the trigger, but allow it to happen, if not encourage it.

There were two things that I take away from this for once worthy hour of television:

a)There is room for humor and laughter in the dialogue, laughter at our own expense, therefore room for admitting our shortcomings without being blocked by shame or guilt. “His Holiness likes to laugh”.

b)It makes no/not enough difference whether I applaud or criticize a state of things or actions taken by others. The only thing that makes a difference are the actions I take to actively participate in our current world affairs. And measured by those, there still is lots of room.

I am glad today I decided to write this post, rather then switching over to the season opener of CSI Miami, which started at 10pm and not 9pm as assumed. Actually, I’ve just decided, I don’t need to watch CSI Miami at all this season.

As for the whole Happiness thing, well, I do believe we have a right to be happy. But where there is a right, there is a duty too.

You say you care about me,
in a tone that makes me feel indebted.
But all you have given me
are reasons why I won’t succeed.

You say you are the voice of reason
with an authority that makes me bow.
But all the reasons you have given me
are excuses for why you didn’t make it.

You say you trust my judgement
and for a moment I believe it.
But then I realize that it is conditional
on whether or not it aligns with yours.

You are supposed to be my friend.
You are supposed to be my family.
You are supposed to want to help me succeed.

Well, here’s a newsflash: you are not helping me.

So don’t be offended if I cease to listen to you.
It is not because I don’t love you, because I do.
It is not because I don’t respect you, because I do.
It is not because I think I am better than you, for I don’t.

It is just because this is my journey towards my dreams and it remains my responsibility.
It is a journey that is tough enough already – your doubts, your fears, your worries aren’t baggage I need to carry.
So if you want to support me, truly, and be there to listen,
So if you want to share my journey, walk along side when my going gets weak,
So if you want to warn me when there is true danger that I am not seeing,
be my welcome guest.

For anything else, I don’t have time.

I watch a woman dance
From across the room,
Lost in the rhythm and blues
Of a New Orleans band

Nobody can touch
The realm in which she moves,
Nobody can interrupt
the music that plays within

The double bass sways her hips,
Her shoulders dance with the Strat,
Percussion taps her feet,
While her heart follows the voice

An Angel as human as can be,
A Goddess descended to Earth,
I hope the song does never end
This moment of eternity